As Americans we love putting condiments on everything! I mean how often do we eat anything without a little flavor on it? French fries dipped in ketchup, hamburgers dripping with a plethora of sauces, and hot dogs… what don’t we put on them? But how can something so American be so un-American at the same time? That’s right, at those fourth of July cookouts where we celebrate our independence, we smother those tasty little hamburgers and hot dogs with tons of delicious foreign sauces. America is pretty much condiment-less! Ahhh!!!!
That’s right, American has no true condiment or sauce of it’s own. We can’t even claim a stake on BBQ sauce. Most of the condiments came from non other than the French! Those dirty little bastards! They try so hard to stake their claim on everything. Mayonnaise? French. Tarter Sauce? French. Mustard? Mostly French. BBQ Sauce, Steak Sauce, and Worcester Sauce? European, but that’s close enough. You know what we have… Ranch Dressing and Tabasco sauce. Yeah I know those are good too… but have you ever tried putting Ranch dressing on you all-American hot dog? Ewww… I know!
What else do the French lay claim on? Fries, Toast, Mimes! Where does the madness stop? They even lay claim to the good kind of kissing! Who they think they are? Sitting all smug like with their little cigarettes and cafes. Thinking they are SO cool and Americans are SO stupid because we like condiments. Well what do they have to be all snotty about? Perhaps they should invent some soap… since it seems like they got the memo on it. From now on, it’s only American condiments on my food. I can’t wait to have a nice juicy plain hot dog.
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