Monday, March 31, 2008

Random Topic: Fairy Tales

Have you ever really looked at a fairy Tale? You know behind the words on a page or the fancy pictures. Looking beyond the colorful movements and catchy sing-songs of a movie. To the real stories within your popular fairy tale lore. I have and I have seen things that no man should ever bare witness to. Stories that would thaw out Walt Disney’s body, turn him over in his freezer proof zip-lock baggy, and then re-freeze him without sealing it all the way up, allowing his body to get a bad case of freezer-burn, making him no good to eat. Just plain horrible things.

Let’s travel back to King Arthur’s time, to a time of chivalry, camaraderie, dragons, wizards, witches, and magic. To a time of love, honor, and glory. To a time of backstabbing, deception, lying, murder, whores, and a creepy old guy with obsessions with boys. That’s right, it wasn’t a time of all things wonderful, that you might see in the movies or read in a book. King Arthur was full of angst from being picked on as a squire. That when he rose to power he became hungry for power, destroying everyone that stood in his way.

It probably didn’t help that he was probably fondled like a catholic alter boy by Merlin, that old creepishly perverted “wizard” that mentored Arthur while he was growing up. Yeah I said wizard in parentheses, so what… you seriously think he’s a real wizard? He was just some guy who was good with parlor tricks, that eventually through the telephone game… that game where you send a message around in a circle… he became this almighty wizard, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, guy. What a crock of shit! I bet he did stuff like pulled a gold piece out from behind someone’s ear, or the old “look my thumb comes apart” trick… he was a fucking birthday party magician!

And then there is Sir Lance-o-lot, what a shmuck! Guy goes around thinking he’s God’s gift to being a knight, just because he can sword fight? Whoopty Dooo! So can Braveheart! Doesn’t make him awesome… or real! The dudes name is Lance-o-lot, or whatever, I mean come on… tell me that guy didn’t get made fun of going through puberty. If I was in his school I’d yank his pants around his ankles and kick him in his ass, and start calling him Pants-a-lot… this guy probably had to transfer providences when he got older, to get away from all the dumb nicknames he had. Maybe that’s why he was always whoring with the ladies, making up for lost time or something. Seemed to work on Guinevere.

Talk about you classic fairy tale whore… seriously Guinn, couldn’t keep it in your pants? Nope, she just couldn’t resist the temptation of Pants-a-lot. Like most women, Guinn wasn’t satisfied with the guy who treated her like a queen. She needed some guy who was a complete pompous asshole, so he could treat her like shit and make her feel like the dirty whore she was. Sure sounds like a lot of people I know. How funny would it have been if King Arthur was suspecting Guinevere of cheating on him with Pants-a-lot, and decided to go on Cheaters to spy on her and try to catch her in the act. That would’ve been so funny.

But the story of Camelot is just the tip of the iceberg, most of the story is rooted in actual “history”… yes again with the parentheses. Maybe you should take a look and delve deeper into the dwellings of some of our beloved Disney Classics.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

A Live Blog Experiment part 3

Day 3


11:00am - Today feels off for some reason. Maybe it's the nerves of this being the last day of voting, maybe it's something else. I don't know. I'm doing a lot of second guessing about things now that it's almost over. Things we should have done differently, thoughts of whether I should have sacrificed graduating this semester to run, and many other little things going through my mind. But just like the last two days I'm at the out in the breezeways and pathways trying to get people to vote.

12:30pm - I decide that today I'm going to skip my blog writing class, because I find it more important to be out here talking to the masses and pushing the Eagle Party vote.

2:00pm - It's getting close to time. Elections end at 5:00pm and we find out the results at 5:30pm. My nerves are starting to get the best of me. I'm rattling on the insides but I'm cool and collected on the outside. I've gotta be strong for the rest of my senators, they are frantically nervous and scared at the same time. I can't help but be nervous myself. I've put so much on the line for this campaign.

5:00pm - The polls are closed and the results are being tallied. However, I now have to go to an audition for theatre. It kind of sucks because as much as I want to audition I don't want to be there. I'd much rather be standing with my friends and party members freaking out about the results. Luckily the audition is a fairly easy one where we just kinda play these warm up games.

6:00pm - I call up my running mate to see if the results are out yet. To my unexpectedness, they have yet to announce them. So I grab my things and run over to the student union.

6:15pm - Out of breath and exhausted from the hike I finally reach the top of the stairs at the Union, but as I look at the doors of the Senate Chambers, I see the look of defeat, of bad surprise, of confusion, and of just plain sadness. It's not the look I was looking forward to, or expecting to see. We had not only lost the presidential and Vice-presidential race, but our senators pretty much got shut out of the Senate. It was bad. I was upset but I felt more upset for my senators who work so hard the last three weeks. I felt like I had failed them most of all. It's tough to watch a group of 30 people who obviously don't have the experience or the knowledge, or even just flat out belong in senate get the win because they just happen to be in a certain party. My Senators were definitely the more qualified of the group. But in the end, that just wasn't enough.

7:30pm - It was a tough and grueling three weeks of preparation and campaigning, but someone always has to lose in the end. It sucks to be us, but now it allows me to focus on some other things like graduating in the Fall, or working and paying bills, or sleep. But right now, all my focus is gonna be on getting drunk at the Ale House. Go Eagle Party!

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

A Live Blog Experiment part 2

Day 2


7:00am - Again the alarm is screeching, but this time I wake up and get ready for work.

11:00am - It's day two of voting and I am once again handing out fliers and stickers to the many passing students. It's interesting to watch them as they walk pass the tables, some happy to chat and others B-lining past like they left their iron on at home.

1:00pm - I've been studying the student body for the last day and a half now, and I'm beginning to notice that the students of FGCU fall into a couple of categories when it comes to voting. Well maybe it's not even so much the whole Student Government election thing, but maybe more the whole "someone is trying to hand me something" thing. As the students walk by, you've got those who are nice enough to take what you give them, whether its a flier or a sticker and say thank you. If they throw it away as they get around the corner thats fine... it's the fact that they acknowledge you in the first place that counts, because every now and then, they will actually ask what it's for... which might end up as a possible vote. Then you have your asshole crowd, the ones that walk by and pretend that they already have one, or that they are like "Yeah, Totally, Your awesome!" or some other form of flattery and then walk away laughing. I mean it's just as easy to not be a dick and say no thanks.... either way it gets the same point across. At least the nicer way won't come back to bite you in the ass later. Then finally, you have the I don't care group... which unfortunately, 90% of the school falls into. These are the ones, who try so hard to walk by without making eye contact, and praying that you won't stop them. You know who they are... the ones who pretend to not hear you say something as they walk a foot in front of you, or they have that fake phone call with some mysterious person, or they put the ipod on so they can drown out your dribble. Almost everyone will wear sunglasses also, so they can hide that scared look in their eye, that you might actually come up to them and attempt to make contact. So however will even go out of their way to make the most random path around where you are standing, so they run a 0% risk of actually running into you.

2:00pm - I finally read a copy of this weeks Eagle News, and the news is not good. Not only did we apparently get killed in the exit poll, but the Student Body President just killed us with a public endorsement for the opposition. This is definitely not a good thing for us, because like little sheep being lead to slaughter, the younger and uneducated students of FGCU, well of any college technically, will now vote for Breakthrough because of it. It's common knowledge that when you are unsure which choice to make, the decision always comes down to well is someone telling me it's good. Like a celebrity endorsement. I'm an advertising major, I've been watching tv commercials for a long time now, as well as buying things for many years now too. I know how well the power of persuasion is, and this is one powerful persuasion. If you don't know anything about the politics of Student Government and you don't know either of the party members or what they stand for, and your sole reason to vote is for that little free pass for parking, why wouldn't you vote for the party that the current president supports? I mean it's practically a given. We are gonna have to work super hard to over come this setback.

5:00pm - The day has come to an end. We decided that we would have to go out and try to convince people that we are the right party to vote for. It's definitely a tough thing to do, considering that out of 10,000 plus students on campus about 8,000 of the those won't vote at all. Most of these are part of the I don't care group, that won't even talk to you or let you talk to them. It was a rough day today, most of us are sunburned from going out to where the people are instead of waiting for them to come to us. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

A Live Blog Experiment part 1

Day 1


7:00am - My alarm blares out this annoying beeping at the top of it's lungs... after 10 minutes I finally realize that it's not in my dream. I hit the snooze button. I am suppose to get up and get ready for the day. It is the first day of Student Government election voting... but alas I fall back asleep.

11:00am - After fighting with my alarm the past 4 hours I finally get out of bed. I am very grouchy... and tired... and a little mad that I had called off work this morning to go campaign early, but yet still getting up at the time I'd be getting off work. Pretty much a pointless day so far. I kinda wonder if this is how it is on the real campaign trail. I mean sure presidential candidates don't have to get up and go to work at 7am, but do they sleep in until almost noon?

12:00pm - I have finally arrived at school and walk to my parties campaign table. Everyone has come out in full force to pass out fliers and stickers... the typical campaign swag. I am then informed that today has been going well, for the most part. There are a few election problems, people under neath the wrong school, and small things like that, but nothing that is going to ruin the election. After only a 10 minutes of campaigning, my stomach begins to growl and I decide to take a break and go grab a bite to eat at Taco Bell.

12:30pm - I show up for my class... Blog writing class.

2:00pm - After class I return to the table and resume my campaigning. Things are going good. There is a lot of support from the student body, and I am feeling really good about whole thing in general. I go to the voting booths myself to vote. After skimming through and voting for the people I think would do the best possible jobs... can't say who though... I get my "Get out of Jail" parking pass. It's the major reason why the students at FGCU actually vote in the first place. It allows them to get out of paying for a parking ticket that they receive on campus.

5:00pm - The day of campaigning has come to a close. It was a grueling day of competing for votes, but in the end I believe it was a very successful day. We had a good couple of debates the past weekend, in which I believe we won, so I think we definitely have momentum in our favor. They took an exit poll this afternoon so hopefully we will see the results in tomorrows Eagle News paper.

Monday, March 24, 2008

A Live Blog Experiment intro

The next couple of days I will be working on an assignment. I'm going to be live blogging the three days of voting for the Student Government elections. I'm going to try and in corporate as much of my normal blogging in as I can into the live blog, observations, quips, and the like. Enjoy!

Monday, March 17, 2008

Out lasting the President

So the other day I was talking with a friend of mine and the subject came up about politics. We started discussing some things about the current presidential campaign, and then I got struck with a thought. By the time I graduate, I will have been in college while 3 different presidents have held office; one for two terms. That’s pretty crazy! To think that the decisions that each president to this point, has affected my not only as an American, but also as a student. Most normal people only last through one maybe two presidents, but not through full terms. The worst part is that since I have turned 18 years old and have had the ability to vote, I never had. I always had some half ass excuse to not go out and vote. It was always something lame too, like I have to work, or I think both candidates are shitty... blah blah! I never really took into consideration that regardless how much I hated each candidate, that without me voicing my opinion I'm jeopardizing my collegiate life.
Now that I am 28 years old, and getting close to graduating I'm just now realizing how important it is to voice my opinion and vote. I still believe that my vote literally counts for nothing... hell that’s everyone’s vote technically. I mean no matter who you vote for president, the electoral college picks the person they think will do the best job. While they are suppose to pick who the American public pick, this is not always the case. As with the Bush/ Gore Presidential race. Gore won the Majority vote, while Bush won the electoral college vote. This makes things look rigged and makes you not want to vote at all, especially when some of the states where the majority voted Gore, but the Electoral voted Bush. But, hey they know best apparently. That’s why the Electoral college was established to begin with, to make sure the right person got into office. But the way I see it, is that if you don't vote you can't bitch about the horrible job the president is doing... and God knows how much the American public loves to complain about the President!

Monday, March 10, 2008

Arch-Enemies are Real!

I believe in God, and Jesus. I believe in Ghosts and Aliens. I even believe in Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster. I believe in love at first sight and soul mates. But I believe in Archenemies the most. Not the kind with super powers who are always out to kill you, but never succeed because they put you in these easily escapable situations, but more on the complete opposites wave length. I believe that every person has an arch-enemy out there. Someone who shares a common thing with you, like a quest, a belief, or even an ability of some sort. But you are completely different in every way. I'm getting ready to get uber nerdy but an example would be Professor X. In Marvel Comics Prof. X is the leader of the Xmen. His archenemy is Magneto. Both men fight for mutant rights, but go about it different ways. That’s where their similarities end. They were old friends, but both have different powers. One reads minds while the other manipulates metal, one is in a wheel chair while the other can kind fly. One has hair while the other is bald... get the point?

I believe this is true in the real world also... but not the weird powers thing, which would be way awesome! But a completely different blog topic. I would've been a skeptic on this whole issue except that I believe I found my arch-enemy. While I can actually say who he is, for safety issues... I fear he might try to hunt me down and destroy me, since that’s what they do in the comics, I can talk about some of the reasons why we are opposites. He is tall and skinny, I am kind of short and kind of plump... ok fat... fine I said it! He is kind of nerdy... I am kind of cool... well I think I am anyway. Ummm... he has little to no sense of humor, I am one of the funniest guys I know. He is kind of closed off and quite, where as I am loud and sometime obnoxious! That’s where I know if this was the comics, he'd be the bad guy. Because the bad guys are usually the quite ones, always stewing and waiting for the right time to strike. Ok, that’s pretty much all I can say without giving to much information.

The thing that makes someone your arch-enemy over just an enemy, is a mutual respect for one another, meaning neither person would publicly expose the other as their enemy. An enemy is some you hate, while an arch-enemy doesn't have to be hated. You can like your arch-enemy, you can even get along with them, but if things ever boiled down to it, you would butt heads and argue of your differences. They are the Lex Luthor to your Superman, the Joker to you Batman, the Darth Vader to your Obi Wan, the Republican to your Democrat... or reversed, the Sweet N Low to your Sugar, they are your arch-enemy and you should look over your shoulder because they might be watching you.

Monday, March 3, 2008

Spring Break?

Why is spring break called spring break? I mean it’s at the beginning of the month of March, which clearly isn’t spring yet. I mean unless you live in Florida, like me, it’s not even mildly warm outside. So why spring break? I mean was Drunken Debauchery Week already taken? Or what about Fornication Festivies Holiday? I mean all spring break really is, is a week off of school for college students to run around in some warm, usually tropical, locale, alcohol content way over the legal limit of dead, trying to sexually copulate with anything that may or may not have two legs. Ok so maybe I’m being a little harsh… but that is what most guys do anyway. Ladies on the other hand are way better behaved. They usually find a guy or guys, that they can flirt with enough to buy them alcohol, usually because they aren’t old enough to buy it them selves, but usually just because they can. Then if the guy is super hott, or the girl is super drunk which usually means the guy has the luck of 12 rabbits feet, and should have spent the week in Vegas, they take the guy back to their room and do what… well rabbits do. So again I ask why spring break… maybe it’s the whole “In like a lion out like a lamb” thing… or more like “In like a sinner out like a saint.”

Monday, February 25, 2008

Butt where's the Money?

Working as a maintenance worker for FGCU housing, one of the jobs I occasionally have to do is cigarette butt pick-up duty. Yeah I know sounds super exciting! But if you compare it to what I do on a daily basis, it's really the hardest thing I do. But anyhow, last Friday just happened to be one of those days. I have to travel around
with a bucket and rubber gloves and pick up all the butts that are laying around the smoker's stations that lazy ass people toss to the ground. It's not like they don't have a big metal ashtray/ garbage container to put them in, it's just that they are lazy ignorant people, who have no respect for anything. I actually thought it'd be funny to ride around in my golf cart, with my bucket of disgusting cigarette butts and look for someone who disposes of their butt on the ground. Then ride up next to them and toss the whole bucket, with some water stirred in like a stew, on them and drive off. I don't know if that would get my point across but I'm pretty sure they would be as grossed out as I am on a weekly basis.

So back to the point, as I finish up I am dumping my bucket into the trash for the second time, and I'm thinking to myself about how many cigarettes are probably in this bucket. Then that gets me thinking about how expensive cigarettes are, and about how much all those butts cost collectively. The average pack of cigarettes costs around $4.25. That’s about the same price as a value meal from pretty much any fast food restaurant you can find. How many cigarettes does the average college student smoke? I know quite a few people that go through a pack in a day, maybe two. That’s roughly $25 a week on cigarettes... that’s a lot! Most college students don't even have jobs to pay for this, which means their parents are forking out the cash. While those who do, have small nothing jobs that pay minimum wage or slightly more, which is roughly about $8 an hour. This means your average smoker works three to four hours a week just to buy cigarettes... for some people that’s a whole day's shift! then think about the cost per month... about $100. What??? who the hell wants to spend $100 a month on cigarettes... that’s ridiculous! My electric bill is about that much a month... I am an average college student who doesn't smoke and makes well over minimum wage, and after all my bills I barely have enough left over to wipe my ass. I'd like to know where the smoker's get the money.

Maybe they have crazy side jobs, like drug dealing prostitution? I wouldn't doubt it considering some of the students at FGCU. I should know, I have to enter the dorm rooms practically everyday to fix things, and 7 out of 10 dorms reek of weed. Hell, I've come across rooms where they've left scales and baggies sitting on the kitchen counter. Maybe it's a completely different illegal operation altogether. Maybe the students have figured out a way to reproduce and create fake money... like counterfeiting! That would be crazy, but not unbelievable. I've seen some pretty good fakes myself, has it been on campus? Can't say for sure...

However these students are making the extra cash needed to support their cigarette habit, I wish they'd let me know. I could use the extra money. And for those who are doing Illegal things in their dorm rooms, feel free to leave me a tip and I'll make sure no one knows about your Meth lab funded prostitution ring... just make sure the bills aren't counterfeited!

Monday, February 18, 2008

Time keeps on ticking…

3, 2, 1, Errrrrrr! It’s the sound of something ending. The countdown from whatever imaginary number we start at to the ill fated close of what we may be doing. Some hear the countdown of a class, with every little click of the clock as you try to scavenge your brain for the correct answers to the Calc 1 test. Some hear the close of a work day, maybe even hear money slowly falling like sand squeezed through a tightly closed fist, as the stock market chimes 5 o’clock. Others even hear the their time end with a fit of joyous celebration, where it’s the cheering of a crowd as the buzzer rings with a game winning shot, or the newly formed cries of their beautiful newborn child as it breathes it’s very first breath. Still, others hear their clock ticking even quieter, becoming slower and slower with every beat until their time piece stops keeping time. Tick tock, tick tock, tick….

Monday, February 11, 2008

Where Have All The Sitcoms Gone

Video might have killed the radio-star, but I’m pretty sure the sitcom-star was killed by reality television. You know those shows where “real everyday people” are put into “real everyday situations” and then filmed to be put on TV 5 days a week so the American public can stare at them for hours upon hours wishing that one day their own lives might be as entertaining. What exactly is it about reality television that makes them so interesting to watch anyway? I mean are our lives truly that boring, that we watch wanna be actors pretend to survive on an island with other fame seekers?

It’s scary to think that reality television is taking over the broadcast airwaves. Aside from the 12 CSI spin-offs and the 40 different versions of Law and Order, reality TV dominates a good 80% of the evening programming shown between the four major channels, and that’s just not counting your Big American Makeovers, but also all your Deal or No Truth Millionaires. Talk about “creative” programming! I mean how many ways can you really come up with to give away a million dollars? And where does all that money come from anyway?

The reality television craze has grasped a hold of Americans all across the united states and won’t be loosening that grip any time soon. Especially now that celebrities are jumping on the bandwagon. Granted I wouldn’t exactly call them celebrities, they are more like has beens trying to revitalize their old celebrity status or they are reality TV stars from past shows looking to extend their 15 minutes of fame as long as possible.

Now they have this show on VH1 called Celeb Rehab. Its this new hit show where 7 celebrities go to rehab for various things. The key phrase here is HIT SHOW. I mean I’ll admit that I watched this show once before… for 5 straight hours! It’s a very sick world when a show about people getting help for an addiction creates an addiction of it’s own. Maybe they will create a new show about people who are addicted to reality television. Or maybe a reality show about people who are addicted to a reality show about people who are addicted to reality television… I’d watch it!

Monday, February 4, 2008

They Put the Con in Condiment

As Americans we love putting condiments on everything! I mean how often do we eat anything without a little flavor on it? French fries dipped in ketchup, hamburgers dripping with a plethora of sauces, and hot dogs… what don’t we put on them? But how can something so American be so un-American at the same time? That’s right, at those fourth of July cookouts where we celebrate our independence, we smother those tasty little hamburgers and hot dogs with tons of delicious foreign sauces. America is pretty much condiment-less! Ahhh!!!!

That’s right, American has no true condiment or sauce of it’s own. We can’t even claim a stake on BBQ sauce. Most of the condiments came from non other than the French! Those dirty little bastards! They try so hard to stake their claim on everything. Mayonnaise? French. Tarter Sauce? French. Mustard? Mostly French. BBQ Sauce, Steak Sauce, and Worcester Sauce? European, but that’s close enough. You know what we have… Ranch Dressing and Tabasco sauce. Yeah I know those are good too… but have you ever tried putting Ranch dressing on you all-American hot dog? Ewww… I know!

What else do the French lay claim on? Fries, Toast, Mimes! Where does the madness stop? They even lay claim to the good kind of kissing! Who they think they are? Sitting all smug like with their little cigarettes and cafes. Thinking they are SO cool and Americans are SO stupid because we like condiments. Well what do they have to be all snotty about? Perhaps they should invent some soap… since it seems like they got the memo on it. From now on, it’s only American condiments on my food. I can’t wait to have a nice juicy plain hot dog.