Butt where's the Money?

Working as a maintenance worker for FGCU housing, one of the jobs I occasionally have to do is cigarette butt pick-up duty. Yeah I know sounds super exciting! But if you compare it to what I do on a daily basis, it's really the hardest thing I do. But anyhow, last Friday just happened to be one of those days. I have to travel around
with a bucket and rubber gloves and pick up all the butts that are laying around the smoker's stations that lazy ass people toss to the ground. It's not like they don't have a big metal ashtray/ garbage container to put them in, it's just that they are lazy ignorant people, who have no respect for anything. I actually thought it'd be funny to ride around in my golf cart, with my bucket of disgusting cigarette butts and look for someone who disposes of their butt on the ground. Then ride up next to them and toss the whole bucket, with some water stirred in like a stew, on them and drive off. I don't know if that would get my point across but I'm pretty sure they would be as grossed out as I am on a weekly basis.

So back to the point, as I finish up I am dumping my bucket into the trash for the second time, and I'm thinking to myself about how many cigarettes are probably in this bucket. Then that gets me thinking about how expensive cigarettes are, and about how much all those butts cost collectively. The average pack of cigarettes costs around $4.25. That’s about the same price as a value meal from pretty much any fast food restaurant you can find. How many cigarettes does the average college student smoke? I know quite a few people that go through a pack in a day, maybe two. That’s roughly $25 a week on cigarettes... that’s a lot! Most college students don't even have jobs to pay for this, which means their parents are forking out the cash. While those who do, have small nothing jobs that pay minimum wage or slightly more, which is roughly about $8 an hour. This means your average smoker works three to four hours a week just to buy cigarettes... for some people that’s a whole day's shift! then think about the cost per month... about $100. What??? who the hell wants to spend $100 a month on cigarettes... that’s ridiculous! My electric bill is about that much a month... I am an average college student who doesn't smoke and makes well over minimum wage, and after all my bills I barely have enough left over to wipe my ass. I'd like to know where the smoker's get the money.

Maybe they have crazy side jobs, like drug dealing prostitution? I wouldn't doubt it considering some of the students at FGCU. I should know, I have to enter the dorm rooms practically everyday to fix things, and 7 out of 10 dorms reek of weed. Hell, I've come across rooms where they've left scales and baggies sitting on the kitchen counter. Maybe it's a completely different illegal operation altogether. Maybe the students have figured out a way to reproduce and create fake money... like counterfeiting! That would be crazy, but not unbelievable. I've seen some pretty good fakes myself, has it been on campus? Can't say for sure...

However these students are making the extra cash needed to support their cigarette habit, I wish they'd let me know. I could use the extra money. And for those who are doing Illegal things in their dorm rooms, feel free to leave me a tip and I'll make sure no one knows about your Meth lab funded prostitution ring... just make sure the bills aren't counterfeited!

Time keeps on ticking…

3, 2, 1, Errrrrrr! It’s the sound of something ending. The countdown from whatever imaginary number we start at to the ill fated close of what we may be doing. Some hear the countdown of a class, with every little click of the clock as you try to scavenge your brain for the correct answers to the Calc 1 test. Some hear the close of a work day, maybe even hear money slowly falling like sand squeezed through a tightly closed fist, as the stock market chimes 5 o’clock. Others even hear the their time end with a fit of joyous celebration, where it’s the cheering of a crowd as the buzzer rings with a game winning shot, or the newly formed cries of their beautiful newborn child as it breathes it’s very first breath. Still, others hear their clock ticking even quieter, becoming slower and slower with every beat until their time piece stops keeping time. Tick tock, tick tock, tick….

Where Have All The Sitcoms Gone

Video might have killed the radio-star, but I’m pretty sure the sitcom-star was killed by reality television. You know those shows where “real everyday people” are put into “real everyday situations” and then filmed to be put on TV 5 days a week so the American public can stare at them for hours upon hours wishing that one day their own lives might be as entertaining. What exactly is it about reality television that makes them so interesting to watch anyway? I mean are our lives truly that boring, that we watch wanna be actors pretend to survive on an island with other fame seekers?

It’s scary to think that reality television is taking over the broadcast airwaves. Aside from the 12 CSI spin-offs and the 40 different versions of Law and Order, reality TV dominates a good 80% of the evening programming shown between the four major channels, and that’s just not counting your Big American Makeovers, but also all your Deal or No Truth Millionaires. Talk about “creative” programming! I mean how many ways can you really come up with to give away a million dollars? And where does all that money come from anyway?

The reality television craze has grasped a hold of Americans all across the united states and won’t be loosening that grip any time soon. Especially now that celebrities are jumping on the bandwagon. Granted I wouldn’t exactly call them celebrities, they are more like has beens trying to revitalize their old celebrity status or they are reality TV stars from past shows looking to extend their 15 minutes of fame as long as possible.

Now they have this show on VH1 called Celeb Rehab. Its this new hit show where 7 celebrities go to rehab for various things. The key phrase here is HIT SHOW. I mean I’ll admit that I watched this show once before… for 5 straight hours! It’s a very sick world when a show about people getting help for an addiction creates an addiction of it’s own. Maybe they will create a new show about people who are addicted to reality television. Or maybe a reality show about people who are addicted to a reality show about people who are addicted to reality television… I’d watch it!

They Put the Con in Condiment

As Americans we love putting condiments on everything! I mean how often do we eat anything without a little flavor on it? French fries dipped in ketchup, hamburgers dripping with a plethora of sauces, and hot dogs… what don’t we put on them? But how can something so American be so un-American at the same time? That’s right, at those fourth of July cookouts where we celebrate our independence, we smother those tasty little hamburgers and hot dogs with tons of delicious foreign sauces. America is pretty much condiment-less! Ahhh!!!!

That’s right, American has no true condiment or sauce of it’s own. We can’t even claim a stake on BBQ sauce. Most of the condiments came from non other than the French! Those dirty little bastards! They try so hard to stake their claim on everything. Mayonnaise? French. Tarter Sauce? French. Mustard? Mostly French. BBQ Sauce, Steak Sauce, and Worcester Sauce? European, but that’s close enough. You know what we have… Ranch Dressing and Tabasco sauce. Yeah I know those are good too… but have you ever tried putting Ranch dressing on you all-American hot dog? Ewww… I know!

What else do the French lay claim on? Fries, Toast, Mimes! Where does the madness stop? They even lay claim to the good kind of kissing! Who they think they are? Sitting all smug like with their little cigarettes and cafes. Thinking they are SO cool and Americans are SO stupid because we like condiments. Well what do they have to be all snotty about? Perhaps they should invent some soap… since it seems like they got the memo on it. From now on, it’s only American condiments on my food. I can’t wait to have a nice juicy plain hot dog.